It started out so small and innocent

It was just a simple post on my blog that has turned into a nightmare (the good kind.)

Welcome to SpiderFest 2010.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Monsters are real

This is a picture of a real life monster that was in my office.

As you can see.....I am lucky to be alive right now.

It all started with this Spiderfest 2010 thing.

I mean I told everyone to weather proof them, but it rained for two weeks straight before Halloween, so I did not put them up. That and I really did not want to get on a ladder in the rain because I am blessed with an abundance of clumsy.

It stopped raining on Halloween day! So I grab all the boxes and Muffet and head out to the willow tree to make the first ever group Halloween display!!

Imagine, if you will, the frog queen in her yard hanging these freakishly large spiders cursing at all of you under my breath. Well, actually it was out loud....I figured none of you could hear me :D

Perfect! I know have the scariest Halloween display in the whole world and think to I need to get new blog friends....:D

(Well, all your weather proofing was not in vein, at about 10:30 the flood from the sky started. Seriously it rained nonstop on, moving back to California is not sounding so bad right now.)

Well it cleared up and by Wednesday I had Spider Dan, the genius with a web gun, come over for the final touches.

Then we start taking pictures. Husband is off to the left and Dan is off south of him really close to the bushes that border the house.

Evil bushes.....that unbeknownst to me is where the monsters live.

I am working on something for Dan so I ask him to come into my office to look at it before I print it. He sits in my chair and takes a look. He likes it, so he gets up out of my chair so I can sit back down to print it. He and husband head out of the office.

When finished I take it over out to him and he reminds me that I forgot one of the pieces. Back into the office I go. is the scary part....if you don't like scary, close your eyes now.

I go to sit in my chair and I notice that Dor and Hal are sitting on my keyboard looking at my chair....I think it is odd, but cats are odd, so I really do not think anything of it and sit down.

Almost immediately Dor is trying to crawl up my arm to get on the chair.

Now....I am not completely my mind, I know what is likely happening. There is a spider or bug on the chair. I see where she is looking, it is the side of the headrest. ((shudder))

Alright, lets lean over and take a look.

Bad idea!

HOLY *&^%$#* SHIT!

And as you guessed....this is where I lose my mind. I run for my life into the kitchen to tell husband that the biggest spider I have ever seen is in the office.

He starts to grab some paper towels.

....hum, I have seen her and that is NOT going to fault really, I always say that the spiders are "huge" and he comes back and tells me that it was "not that big"....

And because I love him.....I try to warn him one last is really a big spider....that is not going to work.

He rolls his eyes and he and Dan head into the office.

Me? I head for my cell to find my sister-in-laws phone number....she is a real estate agent....and I need to sell the house.

That is when I hear....from both of them.

OMG what the f*ck? That is ....

Now, I should say that Dan only likes spider slightly more than me....

I am usually happier when I get to say "I told you so"

So Dan stays in the office to take pictures and guard the spider while husband comes in the kitchen to get a glass, when we both decide....yes, we are going to need a bowl.

Husband tells both of us to calm down and get out of the office. So Dan and I are standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how the spider got there.....Dan thinks it was on him. He turns around and

Holy shit again!

There is a big web on the back of his jacket....I pull it does not want to come off....I think I (and maybe Dan) am going to faint.

Husband walks past us and out the door.....he comes in and says something about the spider being rather crab like.....


So, I am thinking that I can now never use that office again. Husband is going to have to trade with me. ...his office is blue.....not my favorite color....but I could learn to like blue.


  1. You that I look at that picture and imagine where my head would be on that head rest....that spider was just about level with my eyes. What is up with spiders and my eyes!!!

    Really, that is enough now!!!

  2. Ironically (or maybe not?), that's a kind of orb-weaver called a PUMPKIN spider because of its big ol' pumpkin butt.
    I wonder if there's a Frog on the Pumpkin Spider...

  3. *shudder*

    yeaaaaaaahhh...that makes my skin crawl.


  4. On the plus side...your office will be mosquito free from here on out (actually, judging by the size of that critter, it will probably be mouse free as well!)

  5. LOL Chris!! I'm not laughing at you but that was actually quite ironically funny. Here is Dan out putting up fake spider webs when the real spiders decided to show him what they really look like.
    We have spiders similar up here that we call Raspberry spiders, but it is actually an Orb Weaver as well. They get huge!

  6. OMG!!! You are SO LUCKY to make it out alive!! But you are safe and sound with Thanks to your trusty feline companions alerting you to the danger. :0)

    Any grey hairs??

    *pauses for breath, looks at picture again*

  8. LOL! Holy crap I would of loved to of been a fly (or spider) on the wall to see all of that action going on! :)

  9. BLEARGH!!! whoa heebee geebees for sure...*shudder*

  10. WTF is that, is right!?!? I'm glad you made it alive. That is one freaky deaky looking monster spider.

  11. Remember when I said earlier that I wished I lived closer?... I just instantly changed my mind... I can NOT live anywhere those things are even remotely within driving distance....((((((((shudder))))))))))

  12. Just looking at the picture my husband said "Get that the fuck away from me!" Please excuse him he is a spider hater from way back....

  13. Wow! I'm with you. Time to move! We have one of those living above our garage. Dixie won't let me move it. She has already named it Charlotte and checks on it everyday. I swear if she starts calling it She-lob and muttering "precious" under her breath, I'm a dead man!

  14. That was terrifying to read. And I actually like spiders. But I'm thinking that may be because I live in the land of small spiders. :/

  15. You can always paint over the blue...

    BTW, was there a leak at a local nuclear reactor? *shudder*